You’re walking down endless winding corridors, looking for it. Running. You can’t find the exit. You start to cry. You’re sweating and nauseated. By now, you are really afraid, and hesitant on whether you’ll ever find the exit.
At last, you see the sign. “Exit”. You try the door, but it’s locked. Overcome by a sense of impending doom, you start gawking around frantically, trying to find the key. Voila!
In a darkened corner, on a golden pedestal, lies a wrapped-up present. You dash towards it, exuberant and overjoyed, and start tearing off the wrapping.
A deodorant. And not of the kind you use.
Ever had this nightmare on Christmas Eve?
No? Good, neither have we. However…
… if you’re tired of traditional gift-giving, of giving and receiving various deodorants, undershirts, pullovers, year-old chocolates sitting in the pantry and the like, we can help you.
Hipper has decided to create a list of laughter-inducing gifts that will help you, for once, put a real smile on the recipient’s face (of course, this doesn’t count if you are giving them a laptop, an iPad, a mountain bike or something really well-thought out – then they’ll be happy by default).
Here are the ideas for the TOP 10 unusual and funny gifts of 2018:
An inflatable sumo suit
If your friend, brother, mother, father are up for a laugh, this is an ideal present. Always purchased in twos, inflatable sumo suits will make for an incredibly hilarious Christmas dinner. However, a word of caution – don’t buy these for person or persons sensitive to their body image. It might touch a nerve, somewhere.
A glass that looks like a wine bottle, and says…
… “Finally, a glass that fits all my needs.” This is a great present for those among you who like a drop or two of wine at lunch, at dinner, in the evening and morning and at noon, and, well, you understand.
However, much like with the first present on this list, do be careful who you’re buying it for: your uncle, the one who’s always mysteriously flushed at the dinner table, might not be the best audience for this present.
A USB stick that looks like a dog
Why would that be funny? Well, because once you plug it in and start transferring data, the dog kind of… shows its undying love for the USB stick by doing that thing that dogs do.
A funny card
Now, this is where we come in. Our brilliant graphic designers and copywriters took great pains to put together a series of amazingly humorous greeting cards. Regardless of the occasion, Hipper’s got you covered: Christmas, Easter, engagement, moving houses, work promotion, a new child, illness…
We’ve got it all. And, take this anonymous person’s word for it, they are good. We aimed for a “not offensive, not stereotypical, not cheap – but always strikingly funny” card style. When in need, don’t hesitate to call upon your favourite flower, gift and greeting card Company in the whole wide world.
We haven’t let you down yet, right? (If you haven’t used our services yet, well, that’s a given. But still, customer satisfaction is our #1 priority. Try us, you’ll see.)
A plastic cone to prevent food spillage
You know the things dogs wear around their heads when they leave the vet’s office? Well, this looks just like it. It’s a useful, incredibly weird invention that keeps messy eaters from messing everything up.
Spaghetti, lasagne, soup dripping from the spoon, kebabs, pizzas, you name it – it’s got you covered. However, we do advise against wearing it in public.
Even though we encourage people to be exactly who they are, not to succumb to trends and expectations, not to build their body image in relation to anything or anyone other than their intrinsic needs and wants, wearing this in public may get you more than just occasional glances tossed in your direction.
But, you know, this might be a great way to punish a friend for losing a bet. If they lose, take them to a fancy restaurant (they are paying, of course) and make them wear this throughout the dinner as stoically and unmoved as possible.
A funny yet unfunny shirt
The shirt will definitely be funny to you, but potentially unfunny to the recipient of the present (however, most people do laugh when they get it – but whether out of happiness or pain, we don’t know).
These shirts are titled, “World’s OKAYest brother/mother/father/wife/husband.” You can see where the fun for you might lie, but also why the recipient might not be too thrilled about it.
However, our contention is that if you are comfortable enough with a person to buy them this shirt, they will see it for nothing but its dry humour.
A lighter shaped like a fire extinguisher
This is a wonderfully ironic present for all the smokers out there. What better way to protest their smoking habits than by getting them a lighter, whose sole purpose is to light their cigarettes, in the shape of a thing whose sole purpose is to douse fire.
This way, if they are still not moved or taken aback by the gruesome images covering their cigarette packs, this might (at least subconsciously, a tiny bit) deter them from smoking.
An Allergic to Mondays first aid kit
For all your employed comrades in pain, there is a way out. An Allergic to Mondays first aid kit contains small bottles of a warming liquid that will help you get through the beginning of the workweek.
Naturally, don’t buy this for people with drinking problems, doctors, airline pilots, etc. because, well… just don’t. However, your accountant brother or your college professor sister or your saleswoman sister-in-law might truly appreciate it.
If the word nightcap exists, what’s stopping us from inventing a morningcap?
Word-of-the-day toilet paper!
A present that is as funny as it is useful. Word of the day toilet paper is a useful, slightly ridiculous, but humorous invention. Since, most probably, you spend a certain amount of time on the toilet every single day – why not learn something new?
Apoptosis, absquatulate, breatharian, cereology, cerulean…? Know what these mean? Neither did the author of this text, until a few moments ago.
Which is why this is a perfect opportunity for you to get your friends and family (and maybe even yourself) a role of word-of-the-day toilet paper!
A “Bull***t button”
You didn’t hear this from us. There is, in fact, such a thing as a bull***t button. It is a small device with a tiny loudspeaker that beeps and shrieks and makes loud noises whenever you push it.
It easily fits into your pockets, and will emit incessantly irritating sounds on your command. You can use it to simply stop someone who you disagree with mid-sentence. You can also use it to show that same someone what you think of their sentence.
Last but not least, you can use it to get yourself thrown out of a restaurant, a movie theatre, or the building of the Parliament. We don’t suggest it, though.