Mum, My Therapist Told Me To Buy You a Mother’s Day Card

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The woman who gave birth to you – and you, and you, and you, yes, you too – is a very peculiar creature. The Mother, the She, introduces the human being to life. She brings her little one into this world and is granted an audience with Mother Earth. Mother Earth blesses her child for having a child of her own. She is happy.

She then tells them to depart and live in peace. The Mother and her newborn baby walk away, hand in hand, to a life of love and caring and happiness.

Only until the child hits puberty.

It’s amazing how quickly your glorious, angelic mother turns into a she-devil whose sole goal in life is limited to inflicting as much pain and agony upon you as possible. Have you ever noticed how she can never close the door to your room? You think that she just ‘forgets’? It is one of her newly learned strategies that make you wish you were never born, that puts you to sleep every night cursing her womb successfully carrying you for nine months and spewing you into this wretched hellhole.

At once, She is the majestic life giver and the atrocious punisher; She is a force that can with a single blow enrich your life or shatter it into pieces, day… after… day.

But after puberty goes away, the rays of sunshine once again break through the clouds.

You again see her for who she is; a small woman, of flesh and blood, with all her vices and virtues, and nothing but your very best interest at heart. And you love her for it.

And on that one day every year, you thank her. Thank her for being there for you, for putting up with you – because, believe me, only a mother knows how difficult it is (not taking anything away from the fathers, but it’s different for mums) – for giving you her all. We thought you might have wanted to thank her with a card. Whatever you decide to get her, there has to be a card present.

So we’ve put together the ultimate guide for getting your mum a Mother’s Day card, depending on what type of person she is, as well as your relationship with her.

If your mum has a great sense of humour, and can take a joke or two (or simply really enjoys a good dose of the old self-deprecating British humour), you might want to give her a good laugh for Mother’s Day:

No Matter What Life Throws At You, At Least You Don’t Have Ugly Children

mothers day cards
source: etsy

 

I Love You So Much, I’ll Let You Pick Your Own Nursing Home (just stay in budget)

mothers day cards
source: etsy

Happy Mother’s Day From Your Favourite Financial Burden

mothers day cards
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A card doesn’t have to be handmade for it to be personal.

Just showing that you went out of your way to get a card specifically tailored for your mum’s personality makes it all worthwhile. And with a cute, witty hand-picked card, you can bet your life on the fact that she will proudly display it somewhere in the house and show it off to friends and family whenever they stop by.

You never know how difficult it is to keep with the times until you get older. Especially when it comes to technology. Imagine going through your entire life without any sort of meaningful access to everyday technology (which just didn’t exist in your mum’s time), and then all of a sudden having to adapt to a sea of new devices, technologies, and terms.

She can be a brilliant doctor, a savant lawyer, or a humanitarian with a heart of gold; “but, darling, how do you open this e-mail thingy”? Granted, your mum is not as bad as all the grandmothers who are afraid of television sets and microwaves that supposedly emit deadly ultraviolet zeta gamma rays that will have you dead within a week, but she does have her own tech-peculiarities.

Surprise her with one of these:

No, Mum, Listen… Double-click The Internet Icon!

mothers day cards
source: etsy

I Promise To Always Help You With The Internet

mothers day cards
source: etsy

I Love You Even Though You Always Ask Me How To Do Things On The Computer

mothers day cards
source: etsy

If your mother is an animal lover, there are many cards out there that will make her squeal with joy; it’s a double-happiness combo for her, your thanks and appreciation along with a picture of a cute dog or cat.

Thanks, Mum, For Loving Me (Almost) As Much As You Love The Dog

mothers day cards
source: etsy

Thanks For Always Having My Back, Mum

mothers day cards
source: etsy

Happy Mother’s Day

mothers day cards
source: etsy

And after all the hustle and bustle we’ve made about Mother’s Day cards, make sure to remember one thing: Don’t. Forget. Mother’s Day. It has happened before – people plan it, pore over every single detail, sketch everything out, and just like that, life takes over and they forget.

Especially today. It’s never been easier to order a quality card and a bouquet of flowers online. Take care of your mother and be mindful of her, for, like Mother Earth, she is only one. It is very easy nowadays, exacerbated by our stressful and fast-paced lives, to take the people we love for granted.

(And ask yourselves this: how well do you remember that old family friend of yours who used to give you either a handwritten or handpicked card for your birthday, year after year, for over a decade?)

To end this pro-mother tirade, one for all you ladies out there: give this to your mother-in-law for Mother’s Day, maybe she ends up not being such a pain anymore. Heck, she may even grow fond of you.

Mother-in-law, Thanks For Not Putting My Husband Up For Adoption. I’m Sure That Was Tempting Some Days.

mothers day cards
source: etsy
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Florence Hazel is a full-time writer with a Masters in English and Sociology. Florence believes that if a single person benefits in some way from her writing, be it physically, emotionally, mentally, or any other kind of –ally, her job was a job well done. She made it her goal to sell happiness and well-being as much as she does flowers and cards. To quote the song Florence starts obsessively humming when words get muddled at the end of an 8-hour workday, “One, two, three, my writing opts for clarity!”
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